27 Apr PUNISHING YOURSELF ~ SETTING LUCAS FREE
Setting Lucas Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs
Dear Non-Fault Finding Readers,
Or are you a fault finder? Do you punish yourself when you do something wrong? Maybe you said a harsh comment, gave advice when it was time to be silent, repeated the same destructive pattern and load yourself up with more guilt. Maybe you aren’t even aware that you subconsciously punish yourself. But punishment is a form of attacking yourself. It’s a form of not giving yourself the love you need.
Let’s play it out with my seven-year-old, Lucas.
Lucas had an off week. He had a sleep over and came home tired. He exerted himself in football. He stayed up late and was difficult to awaken in the morning. Furthermore, he had a runny nose and congested ears. We were doing homework, and he put his head on the table. I said, “Let’s wrap up this last one.” He was ornery and forced, “I’m tired and sad.” I pursued him with different questions, but Lucas wasn’t up for more dialogue or a teachable moment.
Later in the week, he had a meltdown. Lucas hugged me tightly with big crocodile tears. He blubbered, “Mom, I haven’t been listening at all this week. That is why I am sad.” I hugged him. Really he wanted to reconnect with me. He wanted to know that he is safe and secure even when he is having an off week. After we had that moment, Lucas was back – fully engaged and fully connected. He held my hand and said these exact words, “Oh, I feel so much getting that off my chest.” Before, he suppressed… but when he expressed, he felt better.
When have you had an off week?
How did you respond?
How did others around you respond?
How often do we suppress when we really desire the expression?
How do you view yourself?
Now, this is the most important part of the story. How Lucas viewed himself.
The next morning, Lucas made breakfast. He put whip cream on his waffle. I added, “That looks good.” Lucas shared, “But I didn’t put the chocolate syrup on it.” Curiously, I questioned, “Why?” Lucas elaborated, “Because I didn’t listen well this week. I DON’T THINK I DESERVE IT.” Woe.
I jumped in and said, “Lucas, you are fantastic now, and you were fantastic yesterday. You are fantastic every day.” Time to for him to see his value and worth. I said, “Don’t punish yourself and beat yourself up based on performance and behavior. Put some chocolate syrup on your waffle.” He insisted, “It’s okay.”
We have BIG INNER CRITIC that triumphs incessantly and insidiously. You can never measure up to unmet expectations, behavior and performance from one day to the next. It’s any ugly measuring stick – a yard stick that separates you for who you really are. You are beautiful, gifted, talented, brilliant because you are born that way. Along the journey, we get lost and punish ourselves. But instead of punishing yourself, why don’t you love yourself instead.
Set yourself free! I just set my son free, one belief at a time!