Dear Naughty or Nice Readers,
My husband, Pierre, and I have been married nineteen years now. And guess what? He has never bought me lingerie. Hold on and let’s delve into this topic.
What woman likes to wear lingerie? What woman buys herself lingerie? What woman wears the lingerie her husband buys her… if he does?
What man like his woman to wear lingerie? What man buys his woman lingerie? What man enjoys the lingerie his woman bought… if she does?
Pierre has never bought me lingerie. He shared two things:
1) You look fine without it.
2) It’s a waste of money because it comes right off.
But what if I liked it? Does that make me a whore or a great lover in the bedroom?
Our marriage therapist told Pierre to drive to Victoria’s Secret after the appointment and buy Jennifer lingerie. Insulted, I was. Pissed-off. Yes. Because my husband doesn’t need another man to suggest that to him. It is either in my husband or not! It lights him up or it doesn’t!
And that was the question. What if it lit me up? What if my fantasies wanted to come true in the bedroom? What if I wanted to express myself without shame, guilt, or fear? Instead, I stuffed, hid, quenched once again. For nineteen years!
But one day, Pierre came home with a Victoria’s Secret bag. Amazed, I thought he is waking up and changing. Amen. Right? I opened the bag and found two, sweet cotton nightgowns. One said, “Love” while the other said, “Victoria’s Secret.” And I smiled and said, “thank you.” At least, he went to the store!
But the shift didn’t happen with him. The shift happened with me.
What if he really loved me without it? He told me I would look good in a potato sack. Don’t know if that would turn me on but oh well… that’s for another time.
The issue was with me. See, a sense of devaluing came in the bedroom. A sense of unworthiness. A place of shame, guilt and fear. A place of resentment. A place of here we go again. Boredom and restlessness.
See, his issues are his issues. I had to look at my issues and be the change. I had to shift perspectives. I am good enough. I am worthy. I am beautiful, inside and out. I love my body. Took nineteen years to be able to enjoy the richness of who I am. Sometimes, I think I’m too much. So, I play it small. But that only gets me the sameness of a stuck pattern. He’s not budging. I’m feeling like shit again. Does my husband love me? I even thought he has no sense of imagination. Boring guy, right?! I found fault with my body. Nip picking every part. Until I came fucking unraveled!!!
And only I could put the pieces together… for my sake!
I had to look past his issues and find my worthiness. I had to buy my own lingerie occasionally. I had to buy him a sex book on various positions. I had to speak up! Enough of this silence and hurting myself! I had to like what I see… yes, naked in the mirror. I had to get real. Authentic. It took nineteen years. And now I’m blogging about it. Who would have thought? I’m being transparent in the hopes that this sheds light on your patterns of unworthiness, fear, guilt, shame.
What are your stories in the bedroom? Do you enjoy the spice of lingerie? Maybe, you don’t need it. But what if you like it? Do you feel like a whore or do you feel like a sexy lover? The bedroom, sex, lingerie, positions, worthiness. So much to explore on these issues. Don’t hide. Speak your truth. Get real. And dare to live the life you want to create. Not to live a life of default. Default gets you nowhere. Sameness gets you stuck.
Be the change. Change perspectives. Change beliefs. Change. You are worthy. Gloriously worthy in every way!!! Don’t forget it.
Naughty and Nice,